Two weeks ago, I changed a few things here. It was reflective of the last six months of my life. Like many of us, I began the year with new resolutions including getting close to the Father. Bless God because this pandemic would have taken me out. My mind took a beating but the Father lovingly dragged me out and for the first time, I can breathe.
I called Kiarie to laugh at how old we have become. We now take tea and lament at the madness in this world. I asked if he could share his story with me for the blog. He declined but was kind enough to give me a title for the series.
“Letters from friends.”
This is the first one. I have read it a couple of times and followed up with a phone call. The struggle of life as a Christian is lost in the noise about the faith by its proponents and mockers. Being a follower of Christ is being in the constant pursuit of holiness and understanding that we may never attain perfection but we experience the greatest love of all.
Here is our first letter from a friend.
Journal Entry: March 20th to July 20th
Covid-19 crept up like a “Hey Stranger” text from an ex. I had just moved out and about to turn a year older. A week to my birthday, Jayden declared the 7:00 pm curfew and lockdown in major cities. My hopes for a birthday full fun capes and pizza disappeared with his speech. For a pre-birthday gift, I got the worst cold and lost my sense of smell and taste. My friends secretly swore I was asymptomatic.
Before the pandemic, I had an offer to be a manager at an organization to lead a team of 120 people. Your girl would finally wear the big pants. As people were losing jobs, I was moving up the ladder.
My first day on the job was on Fool’s day. That was the first sign. An hour and two matatus later, I reported for orientation 7:15 am. My supervisor received me and told me about my role. This was my first job and I had outdone myself. The only way from here was the corner office or being poached by a bigger company. My lofty dreams were interrupted by the supervisor detailing a week’s work. I had to be at the office by 7:00 am to 7:00 pm from Monday to Saturday and Sunday would stay open in case there was a spillover from the week.
At that moment, I realized there’s no work worth my weekends. Before you wear your judge-y eyes, that meant I’d be up at 4:30 am and definitely be back home earliest 8:00 pm because, Nairobi traffic. The office was across town. I think all employers should allow their staff to work at most five days a week. It allows the employees to be fresh, present, and effective at work.
From that moment on, I spaced out and heard nothing the supervisor said. There would be decorating my corner office. The orientation was done by 3:00 pm and I walked from the office to Nairobi CBD. The plan was to wait until I got into a matatu instead I burst out crying in the streets of Nairobi. This could not be it. How was I going to pay rent and KRA? My official start date was the next Monday. On Sunday night, I felt like my lungs tighten at the thought of my alarm the next morning. At 9:00 pm, the Director of the organization called and informed me they had rethought my position due to some layoffs that needed to happen.
The joy and relief I felt!
I had my freedom and no money in the bank. I called myself for a meeting and decided to do business and exceed my expected salary. I’m working towards it. I prayed to God for ideas.
So far, he’s brought some opportunities that I’m grateful for. This is good for my debt payment plan. We get paid by our debtors, my landlord gets August rent and I get to eat. Everyone survives the pandemic.
I’m single and on the sex front, it’s been tough! I am a Christian and trying to wait till marriage. I am no virgin, so this is take two. It’s been 3 years since I felt the touch of a man. I miss it so much. Living alone has made me face my demons: loneliness, sexual urges, companionship. I miss it all. I have rejected several offers and honestly, it is by God’s grace more than my restraint.
Inversely, I have contributed to the rise in revenue Pornhub has gotten since Covid-19 started. I have masturbated several times including today morning and for me, it’s been so empty. The craziest thing is since I started, I have sex dreams with men and women. I believe in the spiritual world and I know all these dreams are as a result of watching porn. It is the door I have opened for a spiritual attack. I want to stop.
God has a sense of humor. I decided to read the Bible and the next chapter for my quiet time was the lady who was caught in adultery. She was caught in the act and they brought her to Jesus. I am sure they couldn’t find the man. Jesus started scribbling on the ground he looked up and told the righteous than thou peeps who brought her, ‘let he who has no sin cast the first stone.’ They all walked away and when Jesus raised His head and told her, ‘Go and sin no more.’ Funny that I felt I was forgiven and God told me, go and sin no more. I hope I’m not one of the holier than thou Christians because my skeletons are begging to break out of the closet.
Stupidity is my second greatest fear after purposeless existence.
I am saddened by the lives Covid-19 took from us and the tragedies (rape, police brutality, domestic violence…) it has exacerbated. On the other hand, I am amazed at people spending time with their families. Children are getting raised by their guardians and not screens and house managers. Minds are resting. You finally know your neighbor. The earth is finally breathing and recovering from our selfishness and degradation. We are meeting ourselves. I pray we keep safe, grow closer to the man upstairs, and wear masks above our noses.