We are seated in the car with a gentleman who recently joined my inner circle which is guarded by an impenetrable fortress and dragon who spits fire. Blame that on the slow recovery from trauma. We talk often about where we are in life and where we want to be. He is the perfect fit for the lonely hearts suitors; financially stable, God fearing and ready for marriage, no jokers please. He is not funny but he has a mind that you would pick the whole day and not get tired. As we continue to endure traffic, he tells me of a lady who is hellbent on trapping him into marriage.
“There is no such thing like being trapped by a woman. It’s like saying a man was stolen from you as if he were a Tolberone bar or the king of all of them of falling into somebody. It’s all rubbish”
“That went from 0 to 200 pretty quick. Are you okay?”
“I am. I just read an article this morning of a lady who just got cheated on yet she did everything that was required of her so I am a bit salty.”
I am tempted to run into a tree and get him hit but then that would kill him and he is a good human being.
Back to the trapper.
“Do you like her?”
“Not my type.”
“What’s you type?”
He goes on for about a minute through mental list of who he wants to carry his babies. A lot of thought has gone to it. I shift uncomfortably in my chair because this kind of talk gives me imaginary hives. Then he says the word, strong woman, and my overgrown eye brows twitch. A strong woman according to him is one who can take life’s punches without dropping balls. One who is willing to take the wild ride with him as he chases the world.
I am often shaken when a man says that he wants a strong woman. A strong woman is one who has been through a couple of things in life. She has been in the dirt and she shook it off. Trauma and healing are competing in her life. She may sometimes cry in her sleep and take the world on in the morning.
While you get to enjoy the best version of her while you are dating, once she lets you in you will truly know her. Her ugly cry will make you wonder if you knew her at all. She will panic before she makes a power move and will need you to assure her that it will be perfectly fine.
A strong woman will come with her emotional suitcases. They will sometimes weigh her down and you will need to pick her up. She is not a weakling just human. The father of her child might have broken her heart and almost got to her mind, but she saved herself in good time. There are days she will need help with direction for the child and you might have to step in. Don’t complain.
A sister of mine loved with all she had to offer, only to come crashing. She has worked through the pain and the madness. She has cried during phone calls and poured her heart out on texts. The challenge is that her family has been dragged into the whole mess because there was a marriage in the horizon.
“I am tired of being a strong woman”
She has said that enough times in resolution. There would be no trying to save the world for her. I cry for the man who will have her in the future. How he will never know what a titan she was. The mountains she moved and a fearlessness that astounded those who love her. He might never know the strong woman.
As you write your list on your future mate, understand that a strong woman is a gem and there will be a lot of digging before you unearth her best self. Being strong is not like having a ear where it is all part of life and comes in twos. It is built up over time when you have been through life’s dungeons. It stinks down there and that is why she fights to stay afloat. That stuff build muscle over time.
Her strength will be the best thing that happened to you. It will also be the thing you will need to fight to get to her.
“You are over thinking again”
“Why else would you want to hit another car?”
“Slow down before you make this a long day”
Quick step on the brakes before hitting the car that has little cab plastered all over it.