I walk into a MAC store. Please note I did not say Mac. That one still requires months of saving. I am close to deciding whether I need deo, body splash and perfume. Hand lotion lost the battle. I just put a little body lotion in a cute little bottle that I picked up at my last hotel visit that I almost deformed when I tapped, who am I kidding, thumped it on your open palm to salvage the little lotion stuck up there. Added a little coconut oil and I had exotic hand oil.
‘What’s that hand lotion?’
‘Six oils and coconut oil’
‘Isn’t coconut oil an oil as well?’
‘It is but it’s not part of the six oils’
‘Then why call it six oils and not seven oils? Medrine you are weird.’ she goes back to typing like she did not just out my ignorance on my semi-homemade hand lotion.
Back to the MAC store. First off its smells like class and sophistication. Barely in, Sam walks up to me. His eye brows are (on fleek) what I want when I grow up. You know part of the reason I am a decent human being? It’s because I need time with God to understand why men get thick eyebrows and a mane to boot. And if that is not enough, lashes that just by batting them, could light up my grandmother’s jiko.
‘Welcome. How may I help you?’
Always wanted someone to ask me that.
‘Oh hey. Thank you. I called earlier I need to get a make-up test.’
‘Oh cool. Just have a seat over here and I will be with you.’
Before I settle into the chair which is a process, I don’t do well with bar stools, he’s back.
‘Do you have anything on your face?’
‘Yes. Moisturizer and powder.’
‘What kind of moisturizer?’
‘Oil free by Simple the company. Do you know it?’
‘I have heard of it.’
I bite my lip. Someone at MAC would say that.
‘What of the powder?’
‘Hey Sexy. Oh wait not you. I mean you are sexy…’
Company shoots me a blank stare
‘…I mean the powder is called hey sexy. You get the point.’
‘I’ll just come with my kit.’
Meanwhile company smiles to himself like he’s won some kind of battle.
Sam is back and he looks like he’s preparing for war. Wet wipes to rid my face of unheard of products. Moisturizer that feels so good is first, followed shortly by a primer, usher in foundation, a little concealer for the dark circles around my eyes and then the brush dances on my face for what feels like the whole of 2017.
Next up powder, the matte one complete with a logo and shade number. I am starting to feel rich now, tread carefully Sam. The blush is pink and I am a melanin sister so that jolts me into inquisitive Medrine.
‘That’s going on my face?’
‘It’s pink. Hot pink’
‘I know. You need the glow.’
I am not offended. Sam is right, my face looks amazing after all is done. So if you see me on these streets with pursed lips and squeaking like a Kardashian, it is because I have sprayed some setting spray for my face to look matte (bila mafuta). Please act impressed.
#facebeat (Always wanted to say that)