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Feeling stuck and not sure where to start, here is...

Feeling stuck and not sure where to start, here is a good place to begin.

Feeling stuck? Good this post is for you.

Here is what nobody told me when I was in campus sharing my dreams away, how hard it would be to pursue passion. For about seven years, I have tried to get doors to open that were completely stuck. Perspective, I got my first job when I was 17 years old.  I worked as a volunteer usher at the Phoenix Theatre. It involved handing out tickets, helping at the box office, ensuring that the audience members were comfortable; hospitality in one word. Truth is, I wanted to be an actor and be great at it.  At that moment I sucked at it. I was really bad. However, one George Mungai the then Creative Director saw beyond my untapped talent, shyness, fear and he worked his best to get me out of my shell. A year later I was on stage in a play with amazing actors and I was horrible in it. Now that I think of it I am thankful that  no audience member walked out when I was on stage. I was back to behind the scenes.  A year later I was on stage again and this time I was not bad. I was what comes after worst.  I forgot  my lines and I am pretty sure that my cast wanted to kill me.

I am not about to spend eleven minutes of your time chronicling my failures so I will stop there. Five years later I still could not be placed in the industry. I was always called when someone needed a helping hand never anything constant.  By 2016 I was a photographer and even then I was still trying to understand what I was good at. Nine months in, I did not like my camera or the brides whose photos I had to take. Though I have a feeling it had a lot to do with how I felt about myself than it was about them.

August 2016, I am seated as a copywriter (don’t count how many jobs I have had) at an Ad agency and it occurs to me that I might be in the same position at 30 years. The thought that I could still be writing Ads for brands years later almost killed me. I was feeling so stuck that at some point dumber. Light bulb moment! It occurred to me that I was stuck because I had tried it my way but all I had achieved is a one way trip to the wilderness. My efforts had ended in me doing doughnuts and now I was riding on fumes which explained my frustration.

First I admitted to myself that I had messed up so much, my relationship with God could be better and there were some juvenile choices in my closet. I was a heathen, deep in regret and needed emotional and spiritual maturity. With my diagnosis, I went to my doctor and lay it bare.  I remember that day I went to God and told him to just tell me exactly what he wanted me to do. I was quick to mention that I knew change would come with a lot of pain and that he needed to give me strength to do it.

So the solution to being stuck is God? Yes! (Don’t roll your eyes and surely don’t  close the tab)

Do you know it is possible to live a pretty successful life and still not live your purpose. If you have the pipes to sing Mariah Carey out of a theatre, you could be the biggest pop star known to man. When all is done, your fruits will the measure of your success. Fruits here mean how much your poured into people with everything God gave you.  That when people watched you they saw what it meant to have a God and with that they chose to follow him. This brings to mind the verse Is it better for a man to gain the world and lose his soul?

Let me make it clear though that pursuing God’s purpose is no excuse to live a mediocre life . Actually if you follow God’s plan for your life there is even more pressure because HE works with excellence.  I have said this in a post before if you find someone who says they are waiting for God but they are putting in no effort, I have no idea what God they are waiting for.

Here is something that might make things a bit clearer, God’s help is accessible to anyone but You need to invite him in. He will never impose himself on you. This is why you could easily be stuck in a rut for years and keep asking why God has abandoned you. Truth he still loves you, he will protect you but never will he impose his will on you. That is the blessing and consequence of choice.

Here’s the catch, after I admitted to God that doing life without him was futile, he did not come in and made sure I had everything I ever dreamed of. The results of bad decisions leave scars, insecurities, baggage and negative energy that cannot be carried into purpose because it will be a constant hindrance. There will be need to actually take time to work on self if you are to be trusted with other people’s lives.

Now how long the period of self evaluation, healing and closure takes is up to you. Sometimes we are so darn stubborn and drag the process and delay destiny. Note the word delay. Here’s a truth, you can miss seasons in life that take your destiny further but whatever time you come back home God will help you achieve your destiny. The later it comes may mean more effort but you will get it. If you do it early though, you have time to enjoy God’s goodness and gain fulfillment from knowing that every day is meaningful towards the kingdom.

My process took a year. I cried so much in that year, lost so many relationships, got so broke (even moved back home 🙂 ) , added a ridiculous amount of weight and was a shadow of myself. My egotistical, negative and selfish self. That was also the year I heard God speak clearly, grew  exponentially in terms of emotional intelligence and most importantly began the journey to finding my calling in the kingdom.

Finding my path began with being honest with God. Surely he created me he must know what desires he put in me. I told him that I wanted to do Radio, TV , act and write. From there I let him guide me to where all these fit in my calling.  For six months straight, auditioning, twice or thrice a week , I got nothing. At this point I thought HE was making me pay for something. Later I stopped thinking of the rejections as fatal. Some of the jobs I never got were raw deals for those who got them because even as I type this they have not been paid. Others were successful projects but with brands whose values I do not agree with. Remember, you never know who client till you are actually shortlisted. For some that I wanted I did not make the cut because there are still areas of growth.

In 2018, I asked God to now specifically guide me into what I meant to do. What I did different was let go of what success meant to me and I started seeking what he sees as success for me. I completely surrendered all my talents, platforms, desires and everything to him. That is when doors started opening. It was and is bigger than me. That is the lesson that took a year to learn among many others. If God gifted me with all these platforms, it was not because I am some kind of superstar. Nope. It was because using my gifts and talents I would play a role in the kingdom and eventually be a reflection of what he is. Love.

Have I figured out everything? The thought of that is hilarious. I am no way close to having my pieces together. I’ll tell you what  have though, the grit to do my best where I am now.  That is where he needs me now. Instead of worrying about where I need to be tomorrow and five years from now,I will use the opportunity to maximize my full potential so that I am ready for the next level of glory.

This does not mean that you get comfortable. Far from it, it means being loyal and faithful to what you have now so that the more that you desire may be entrusted to you. So if you fee stuck now? Let’s first understand what the patterns have been and how we can break them. From there we work on practical solutions towards a more productive life. Moving to the next leverl will require discipline, obedience and sacrifice but there is guaranteed success. Just try bring him in as you plan and strategize. Don’t get stuck with details like;

I am not born again.

I don’t have a church.

I haven’t been to church in five years.

I was raised a Muslim.

Christianity is boring.

I am such a mess.

I am not sure I can stay the course

 

Begin where you are, the rest will follow. I sincerely wish you all the best as you work towards being unstuck.

Love and light!

 

P.S. We have been nominated for a Bloggers Association Awards of Kenya (BAKE)  award under the creative writing category. Can you believe that? Even I feel like I am dreaming. Let’s bag this thing. On the Home page,  top right column you can see a BAKE nominee badge, click on it and you can vote. Thank you. Your time and support is appreciated.


  1. Muthomi

    25 April

    Uplifting to say the least. “Begin where you are, the rest will follow.”

    • Medrine

      7 July

      That’s the best thing someone ever told me ❤️❤️❤️

  2. Dodu Nims

    15 May

    This is so helpful, especially since am trying to figure out a field that I can be most productive in and still be fulfilled.
    Thanks for this.

    • Medrine

      7 July

      Thank you girl
      Remember work with what you have to get to where you need to be you will be okay. Sending good vibes your way

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